10 Zen Monkeys, July 2007

10 Zen Monkeys received the following document from a friend who works as an aide to Republican Louisiana Senator David Vitter. It is the handwritten draft of the statement Senator Vitter planned to give before the press conference about his involvement in the “D.C. Madam” scandal.

Members of Vitter’s staff talked the Senator out of his planned line of discussion and convinced him to go with the more conventional apology combined with partial denial. We are certain of the authenticity of this document, because we slipped it, along with a crisp Jackson, to our friend, Dolores “Bambi” Malone. Bambi has spent several weekends in Ibiza partying with the Senator, and she told us, “Yep. That’s David. That sounds exactly like David. Hey! That’s his handwriting!”

Here, then, are the notes for the statement Senator Vitter planned to deliver: